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Zein Marwan
Zein Marwan

The Dark and Emotional Story of Billie Eilish's "everything i wanted"

Billie Eilish's "everything i wanted": A Haunting Song About Fame, Family, and Mental Health

Billie Eilish is one of the most popular and influential artists of her generation. The 19-year-old singer-songwriter has won seven Grammy Awards, including Album of the Year for her debut When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? (2019). She is known for her distinctive style, voice, and music, which often explore dark and complex topics such as death, violence, addiction, and depression.

One of her most powerful and personal songs is "everything i wanted", which was released as a standalone single in November 2019 and later added to the reissue of her debut album. The song was written and produced by her brother Finneas O'Connell, who also collaborates with her on all of her music and live shows. The song was inspired by a nightmare Eilish had where she committed suicide and saw all her friends and fans turn their backs on her. She said in an interview with Genius: "I had this dream where I killed myself...and nobody cared at all...and it was literally exactly how I feel about my life."

billie eilish everything i wanted

The Lyrics

The lyrics of "everything i wanted" are a raw and honest expression of Eilish's feelings of loneliness, insecurity, and hopelessness. She sings from the perspective of her dream self, who realizes that she is not happy with her fame and success ("I had a dream / I got everything I wanted / Not what you'd think / And if I'm being honest / It might've been a nightmare"). She also reveals that she has suicidal thoughts ("I tried to scream / But my head was underwater / They called me weak / Like I'm not just somebody's daughter") and that she feels misunderstood and unappreciated by the world ("Nobody even noticed / I saw them standing right there / Kinda thought they might care").

However, the chorus introduces a ray of hope in the form of her brother Finneas, who is also her best friend and confidant. He reassures her that he will always be there for her and protect her from harm ("And you say / As long as I'm here / No one can hurt you"). He also encourages her to love herself and not care about what others think of her ("If I could change / The way that you see yourself / You wouldn't wonder why you hear / They don't deserve you"). The song ends with a repetition of the question "If I knew it all then would I do it again?" which suggests that Eilish is still conflicted about her career choices and their consequences.

The Melody And Production

The melody and production of "everything i wanted" are minimalist and atmospheric, creating a contrast between the softness of Eilish's vocals and the darkness of her lyrics. The song consists mainly of a simple piano chord progression, accompanied by subtle electronic beats, synths, bass, and ambient sounds. The tempo is slow and steady, giving the song a dreamy and melancholic mood. The production also features some subtle changes and variations throughout the song, such as the addition of a choir-like backing vocal in the second chorus, the distortion of Eilish's voice in the bridge, and the fading out of the instruments in the outro. The song also uses some sound effects, such as the sound of waves crashing and car doors closing, to create a sense of realism and immersion. The song was recorded in Finneas' home studio, which adds to its intimacy and authenticity.

The Reception

"everything i wanted" was a critical and commercial success, receiving praise from critics and fans alike for its emotional depth, honesty, and relatability. The song debuted at number eight on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, becoming Eilish's second top 10 hit in the US. It also reached the top 10 in several other countries, such as Canada, Australia, UK, Ireland, and New Zealand. The song was certified platinum by the RIAA for selling over one million units in the US. The song also won two Grammy Awards in 2021 for Song of the Year and Best Pop Solo Performance, making Eilish the youngest artist to win both categories.

Many critics praised the song's lyrics, melody, and production, as well as Eilish's vocal performance and chemistry with her brother. For example, Jon Caramanica of The New York Times wrote: "Its a stunning ballad of appreciation for her brother...and an admission that even though shes ascended to pops peak this year, shes still wracked with insecurity." Similarly, Mikael Wood of Los Angeles Times called it "a gorgeous piece of sibling pop art" and "a quietly devastating meditation on fame and depression." Many fans also related to the song's message and expressed their admiration and support for Eilish on social media platforms such as Twitter and Instagram.

The Conclusion

"everything i wanted" is one of Billie Eilish's best and most important songs. It showcases her unique talent, style, and personality, as well as her close bond with her brother Finneas. It also tackles some serious and relevant issues that many people face in their lives, such as fame, family, and mental health. The song is a testament to Eilish's courage, honesty, and vulnerability as an artist and a human being. It is a song that resonates with millions of listeners around the world who feel the same way as she does.

If you haven't heard "everything i wanted" yet, you should definitely give it a listen. You might find yourself moved by its beauty, simplicity, and sincerity. And if you have heard it already, you might want to listen to it again and appreciate its nuances and details. You might also want to share your thoughts on the song with us or with someone you care about. After all, that's what music is all about: connecting with others through sound and emotion.

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What is the meaning of "everything i wanted"?

The meaning of "everything i wanted" is that Billie Eilish had a dream where she got everything she wanted in terms of fame and success, but it turned out to be a nightmare where she felt unhappy, lonely, and suicidal. The only thing that kept her going was her brother Finneas' love and support.

What inspired "everything i wanted"?

"everything i wanted" was inspired by a nightmare that Billie Eilish had where she killed herself and nobody cared or noticed. She said that the dream was a reflection of how she felt about her life at that time.

When was "everything i wanted" released?

"everything i wanted" was released on November 13, 2019 as a standalone single. It was later added to the reissue of her debut album When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? (2019) as a bonus track.

What genre is "everything i wanted"?

"everything i wanted" is a pop ballad with elements of alternative, indie, and electronic music. It has a minimalist and atmospheric sound that contrasts with its dark and emotional lyrics.

Is there a video for "everything i wanted"?

Yes, there is a video for "everything i wanted" that was released on January 23, 2020. The video was directed by Billie Eilish herself and features her and her brother Finneas driving off a bridge into the ocean. The video ends with a message from Eilish saying: "Finneas is my brother and my best friend. No matter the circumstance, we always have and always will be there for each other."

The video has over 200 million views on YouTube and was nominated for Best Music Video at the 2021 Grammy Awards.


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